Wedding Ceremony
The ceremony took place at the meeting house of the Friends Meeting of Washington, where Carrie is a regular attender at the Sunday meeting for worship. However, because James and our families are not Friends (Quakers), we elected not to have a traditional Quaker ceremony “under the care of the meeting.” Instead, we blended both Quaker and non-Quaker elements together into the service.
The ceremony was lead by Ellen Dinerman of the Northern Virginia Ethical Society. The Ethical Society and the Religious Society of Friends (Quakers) share many core values, in particular an emphasis on the inherent worth and dignity of all people, and the supremacy of “deeds over creeds.” Both support equal marriage rights.
Quaker Elements
For you anthropologists who notice such things, here are a few ways in which we incorporated Friends traditions into our ceremony:
- Simplicity: Simplicity is one of the five main “testimonies” of the Quaker faith. If you visit, you might notice the simple architecture of the meetinghouse, and lack of overt religious symbols. For our wedding, we used very few decorations, plain (not overly flowery) language, and no symbolic rituals. We also included the song “Simple Gifts” (graciously performed by our close friend Carmen Corbin).
- Processional/bridal party: Traditional Quaker weddings do not have music, a bridal party, or a processional. We had a much simpler, quieter processional than is usual in other weddings. In lieu of a bridal party, we asked our siblings and a few friends to read for us during the ceremony.
- Officiant/vows: Friends do not have ordained clergy, deriving from the belief in the equality of all people before God. At weddings, the entire congregation recognizes and blesses the union, and the bride and groom alone seal their commitment. We used the traditional Quaker vows, recited without the aid of clergy (“in the manner of Friends”).
However, because our wedding was not being offically sponsored by the Meeting, we asked Ellen to sign the paperwork that makes our marriage legal, since she is qualified to act as an wedding officiant in the District. Nonetheless, we believe that marriage is created and maintained in the hearts, minds, and souls of the two spouses, not in the paperwork. - Silence: We asked for about 10 minutes of silence towards the end of the ceremony. This is how Quakers worship, waiting in silence for guidance from the inner Light. We used this time to reflect, pray, meditate, (or ponder the likelihood of cake later in the day).
- Marriage certificate: This document states the names of the couple, the date and place of the ceremony, and the marriage vows. It is signed by the couple and everyone present at the ceremony. In times past, the Quaker marriage certificate served as a legal document showing the meeting's approval of the marriage, in lieu of a blessing from a member of the clergy. It is similar to the Jewish ketubah, but usually shorter and simpler in design. This will hang in our home as a symbol of our commitment and love.